Somber Saturday

I am alone at home. Peace at last. But I have no one to talk to. My gf that lives in the US has no internet, because of snowstorms an ice or something, I haven't talked to her since yesterday. I've just watched Doctor Who - The End Of Time - for what must have been like the 1000th time - and having too many things to do, I feel a bit frustrated.

Today I signed I dunno how many petitions, about SOPA, PIPA, ACTA, the Swedish transgender sterilization thing (well, actually,  I signed that days ago but I was re-reading and linking people), watched Anonymous videos...

I feel so so sad about the world. And I also feel sad about my inability to cope with all that. All those nonsense and whatnot. 

I may be a weird person and a twat, but what I actually want the most, what'd make my day, month and years, would be to have a job, a tiny flat and a fiancee/wife. My little girl. A quiet little life, maybe slightly tinted by my palette that's usually slightly leaning towards megalomania and illusions of grandeur/inferiority complex.

Nodding off on the couch while I work or read. Maybe a cat (she likes dogs as pets more, but I want their stinking breath away from my face, if possible, if she wants a dog she has to, like, have it somewhere where I can't smell it:P) The whole domestic-"oh, how the mighty have fallen" approach, if you may. I was never a rebel, but I've never actually felt like settling down, you know, oh no, no, I was too young... But now that I actually want to do that... I feel overwhelmed by the world. Too many obstacles in the way. I feel constricted by too many things and the lack of absolute freedom and expression of rights.

Financial difficulties aside (I know, it's tough for all of us, but my country has to deal with public ridicule as well, which is an added extra, nice incentive...) I'm too complicated, or at least my mind makes it like that. I live in Athens, Greece and my girlfriend lives in Missouri, US. 

We talk and write and see each other online. We do things together, like listening to audio stories and watching things along. We write stories and send each other pictures. 

And when we have internet problems we worry. We worry so much about each other, why's Harry offline? His net must be down.
No. He fainted because he doesn't sleep.
NO! SOMETHING HAPPENED, SOMETHING AWFUL, LIKE AN ALL-OUT ATTACK ON ALL THINGS ELECTRIC AND IT'S GREEK REVOLUTION 2012 AND OH MY GALLIFREY, crazy things, really.
Chopping off internet liberties would undoubtedly wound my relationship. It wouldn't cripple it, but we'd both feel wounded, for sure. And if the internet won't let us communicate for this reason or another, we'll go Victorian and write letters, letters a bit difficult to read because of all the tears they'd be soaked with :P

( From Kate Beaton's Hark A Vagrant)

At some point, I'm going to have to start transitioning, something that, here in Greece, is a bit difficult. I can't change my name that easily. I have to undergo hysterectomy, like those Swedish blokes. Only then I stop being a woman, legally. Amusing! 

I don't know how it is to transition in other countries. I don't know if I'd even have the right to do it, like in Sweden, you have to be a Swedish citizen to be allowed to transition there... If I suppose can't transition in the US because of me not being a citizen, then I'll have to acquire citizenship somehow, right?
The easiest way to do that is to get married to a US citizen (don't cheat, you have to actually love them and not a white wedding :P). I can't do that that easily, except in some states of the US, because, guess what, I am still a female legally. Bahaha, marvelous!!!

And then I'd be a stranger in a strange land, having to face:
a) the scorn of being an immigrant/expatriate/foreigner/European/Mediterranean/"weird accent you got there",
b) the oh so subtle mockery of people full of tact, targeting me and my complicated gender issues (of course, not everyone is a jerk, I'm only exaggerating to make a point) and,
c) being a new person on new uncharted to them land, having to find a new job making new acquaintances.

I don't mind the third. It's to be expected and with a job like mine, well, a bit easier. But a) and b)... I wouldn't want my girlfriend having to deal with all that shit. No way. But I can't avoid it. Because people are rude, basically. You never get to be treated equally, whatever your story is. Meh. Ain't I all sunshine today..? Such a cutie...

Anyway, just needed to get things off my chest, I guess. I'd say I'm sorry, but it's MY blog, so, if you feel rather poorly about it, piss off. And no, today I'm not the most eloquent and kind person.



 

(YES, that's a Chameleon Arch on my tiny tree, which is a Christmas leftover. Hush.) 

Merry Christmas and life

Took me almost a year to post something here. I was avoiding it. I think I'm more or less the only person reading this. But I don't care. I am slowly going to be using this blog again... I changed the layout and some things... Now, then.

I have been very busy this last year. Also been unemployed a lot. Learned new things, got to know new people and know some old ones better. Became more social, less social, got acquainted to all sorts of new ways to get depressed, got frustrated over the way things are, the economy, people, my country. It's been a soddy year but also a good one. Some things, I wouldn't change for the world. Met wonderful people, stopped talking to some.. not that wonderful, managed to be able to become a bit happier and control my temper better. I've also grown, got a tattoo and lost some weight :P
Now, to the really juicy part.




Dear friends, acquaintances and people that know me too little, I wish you a merry Christmas.
It’s supposed to be the time when we let kindness guide us and speak our hearts, open up, show we care and other emotional things like that, because it’s Christmas and it’s ok to be emotional during the holidays.

Some of you already know, some maybe suspect that, some/most don’t know and don’t care about this, but I have to say it, because sometimes enough is enough and one can’t and shouldn’t hold things inside for THAT long. Eventually, these things evolve and there’s always a time when things ought to be explained. So this is me explaining.

It’s been too long since I stopped identifying as female. I may haven’t told anyone at first, but it is how it is. Regardless of whether you understand this or not, please, show me the courtesy of calling me by my chosen name, that’s Harry or Victor (mostly Harry), and using male pronouns.
Using my birth name and female pronouns, when you already know this, is considered rude and a bit hurtful. Also, calling me a “tranny” or a “he/she” would result in permanent block/delete and possibly (or definitely) some rudeness from my side.

If you can’t, please, don’t call me anything. It’s much better and hurts less. But, remember always, I am still the same person that you know, with the same personality, regardless of name and gender. You don’t have to show your extreme support or opposition towards that. You won’t change who I am. Also, I know it’s awkward sometimes. You don’t have to discuss this with me. Maybe the matter will come up during casual conversation or not.

Thank you very much, I hope you all have a great time during the holidays.

PS.
If you're my parents, namely dad, who likes surfing on the internet and checking my sites:
I don't want to talk about this. Maybe I will in the future. Maybe I won't.
Don't ask me to talk about this or translate it, if you find it.
There's nothing you can say that will change my mind. My life and your life will continue as it is and at some point, changes will occur. The signs are all there, you just never saw it this way.

PPS.
I really dislike this blog's name at the moment. I'll prolly have to change blogs at some point. Again....
[EDIT: Fixed that harryasaphsaxon.blogspot.com ]

PPPS.
I am reposting last year's Xmas pic. Yay Greece. Yay train-wrecks.